


Little Street Boy

by MissBoaBoa



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Age Difference, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bad Ending, Child Abuse, Christmas Special, Drug Use, F/M, Family Feels, Happy Ending, Loki and Thor Are Not Related, Love, M/M, Prostitution, Suicidal Thoughts, broken home, reader decides!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 01:54:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21729592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissBoaBoa/pseuds/MissBoaBoa
Summary: Based upon the story “Little Match Girl”A 16-year-old Loki is forced by his father to walk the streets. Its freezing, his body temperature dropping rapidly as he tries his best to earn some money and stay warm. Everything seems lost until a complete strangers walks up to him.“How much for the night?”-- How will this story end?? Happy? Sad?? You decide!Christmas is nearly at hand, my dearest fellow readers.Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Relationships: Farbauti/Laufey (Marvel), Frigga | Freyja/Odin (Marvel), Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 73
Kudos: 132





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone and welcome to this Christmas Special Fic.
> 
> First of all thank you for trying out this 5-chapter story!  
> Before you start to read, I would just like to warn you that this does not start out all happy and fluffy... Please, PLEASE mind the tags!
> 
> I do promise that shit /COULD/ get better, depending on how YOU want this story to end. :)  
> I'll upload more chapters later on with two possible endings for you to choose from, so choose wisely ;)
> 
> Anyway, that being said, please enjoy this first chapter!
> 
> p.s. I am Dutch, so English is not my native. Please don't hesitate to let me know if there are any bothering syntax errors or spelling mistakes ^^

Loki sat in his room, huddled upon his bed. He tried to focus on a school assignment as he buried himself deeper into his blankets. It was another snowy day, another afternoon of white powder piling up on his window frame, freezing the windows. The cold was distracting him, his teeth chattering as a shiver moved down his back. He glanced at the radiator right next to his closet, tempted to turn the device on but knowing better.

His father would kill him if he did.

The young raven turned his attention back to his homework, an annoyed huff coming from his lips as he stared at his science assignment. It was originally due before the holydays, yet Loki never seemed to find any time or peace and quiet to actually get the project done. He was so relieved when Professor Banner, after much pleading and pouting, agreed to give him some extra time.

Loki tried to focus, reading the first question. “ _What happens when an unstoppable force collides with an immovable object?_ ” He frowned, surely that must be a trick question.

Unfortunately he was not granted the piece and quietness to think this problem through, as the annoyingly high and loud whistle of a boiling teapot filled the air. He cursed under his breath and covered his ears, hoping to block the irritating noise.

He threw his pen on the floor and stepped out of bed as after five full minutes the sound still continued to fill the house. He walked down the stairs, bare feet against squeaking wood as he wondered when his mother would finally do some laundry. He tried to do it himself, once, but she just got mad, shouting at him and asking if she wasn’t good enough as a mother. Loki didn’t dare to answer that question truthfully.

His father was sitting on the couch, a beer in his hand as he watched television. His mother…

He looked around, his mother nowhere to be seen.

The raven quickly turned off the stove, wondering why the kettle was even on to begin with.

‘‘Bout damn time, kid,’ his father called from the couch, words slurring. ‘Now how ‘bout you actually make yourself useful and get me another beer, huh?’ He raised the bottle, holding it upside down to indicate that was in desperate need of a refill.

Loki didn’t reply and simply grabbed a new bottle from the fridge, ‘Where’s mom?’ He asked as he gave it to his father.

‘What am I? Her fucking babysitter?’ Laufey casted him a deadly glare, causing his son to freeze and avert his gaze. ‘What’s for dinner?’ the man eventually muttered as the commercials ended and his show started again, his attention drawn back to the tv.

‘I thought mom would-’ Loki bit the inside of his cheek, not daring to upset his father again. He could still feel the nagging pain from where his father had hit him the last time he said something wrong. ‘I could… I could heat up some soup?’

‘Fine,’ his father muttered after taking a big gulp of his beer. ‘Just hurry up. ‘m starving.’

The teen walked back into the kitchen, grabbing some leftover soup which he had made two days ago from the fridge.

His mother hardly ever cooked. She was hardly ever home to begin with, usually going to her friends to party and commit every sin imaginable. She used to take the raven with her when he was still too young to stay home alone yet decided that Loki would be perfectly capable of fending for himself when he turned seven.

Loki turned on the stove, absentmindedly stirring the soup till he heard a door opening in the hallway.

His mother stood in the door opening, barely able to stand on her stiletto heels. She looked at her only child, a wide smile forming on her face. ‘Loki, my baby,’ she stumbled into the kitchen, arms wide.

‘Hey, mom,’ the raven muttered as Fárbauti wrapped her arms around him. He tried to turn away, the stench of alcohol heavy on her breath. He yelped as he felt something sharp threatening to pierce his skin. He looked at his mother’s hand and spotted the used needle she held dangerously close to his arm. ‘Mom-’

‘Oh, hush darling,’ She giggled, pressing her fingers against the raven’s pale lips. ‘I did this in the bathroom you know? So you wouldn’t have to see it.’ she moved her fingers, caressing the child’s face before grabbing his jaw in a tight hold. ‘I am so considerate, sweety. I am such a good mommy, aren’t I?’ She laughed, slapping Loki’s face as she leaned closer against him, her breasts pressed against her son’s chest. ‘Tell me you love mommy, darling.’

Loki screwed his eyes shut, trying to get away from his mother’s lascivious touch. ‘Mom, let me go,’ he squirmed, heart drumming in his chest.

‘Loki,’ Fárbauti grabbed his jaw again, forcing the child to look at her as she hissed. ‘Tell mommy you love her.’

‘I… I love you, mommy…’ he held his breath as his mother pressed a longing kiss against his lips. He winced, knowing he should be used to her kisses by now and yet they still felt so wrong.

‘That’s my baby boy,’ she smiled brightly, leaning heavily on her son as her words slurred. ‘You know what darling? We should go out sometime. Mommy will show you how to have a good time.’ She laughed hysterically, dropping the dirty needle which

shattered into hundreds of tiny pieces.

‘Mom!’ Loki pushed her aside and quickly grabbed a broom to clean up his mother’s mess.

‘Hey! Don’t you shout at me like that, you little rat!’

The raven looked at his mother, fear written across his face. She yanked the broom from his hands, trying to hit him with what little strength her intoxicated body could muster. ‘You ungrateful piece of shit!’

‘I’m sorry!’ he covered his face with his arms, tears forming in his eyes as he could not understand what he did wrong. He was just trying to clean up, trying to help his mother as best as he could. He even tried to cook.

Loki’s eyes widened in shock, snapping his head towards the boiling soup. The black puffs coming from the dish indicated that he was already to late. ‘No, no, no, no!’

He jumped towards the stove, ignoring his mother who was still cursing and shouting. Without stopping to think he grabbed the red-hot handle, which caused him to burn his hand. He yelped in pain and immediately let go, dropping the pot.

‘What the hell is all that noise?!’

Loki heard his father shouting from the couch, tears now streaming down his cheeks. He grabbed a towel, trying to clean the boiling soup without any regards for his hands. He started to panic as he heard his father walk into the kitchen, his heart hammering in his chest.

‘Oh my fucking _god_!’ Laufey grabbed Loki by his arm and pulled him up. ‘The hell did you do, huh?! You think it’s funny wasting food like that?! You think food doesn’t cost shit?!’

‘No! No! I’m sorry,’ the raven tried to free himself from his father’s grip, his skin already bruising underneath the man’s fingers. ‘Dad, please, you’re hurting me!’

‘Oh for fucks sake, don’t be such a little whiny bitch!’ Laufey dragged his son into the hallway, ignoring his wife who had crashed on the couch. She was staring at the ceiling, a dull and distant gaze veiling her eyes.

‘Mom…?’ the raven tried to resist against his father, heels scraping over the floor. ‘Mom! Please, help!’

The woman slowly looked up, head tilting as she tried to recognize the boy who was calling her. A smile eventually formed on her face as she took the effort to wave at him. She giggled and whispered; ‘Bye bye, baby boy. Mommy loves you.’

Loki flinched as his father slammed the door shut, the two of them now locked in the hallway. He screwed his eyes shut, his hands pressed against his ears as his father kept shouting at him. The child knew he was a failure, a total letdown, his parents have made that quite clear throughout his entire life. He could understand their disappointment and frustration.

What he could not understand, however, was why his father pushed him against the wall. Why Laufey’s hands were on his small shoulders, holding so tight it would bruise his skin.

‘Why the fuck are you not listening to me?!’ Laufey pulled Loki’s hands from his ears. ‘Look at me. Loki, look at me!’

The raven hardly dared to looked up, tears streaming from his red eyes.

‘Why are you not answering me, huh?!’ Laufey kept pushing his shoulders, shoving his child around. ‘Come on! Say something!’

Loki was nothing but a sobbing mess, barely able to form any words, let alone sentences. ‘I- I’m so sorry…’

‘God, you’re useless… Time for you to earn your fucking food,’ Laufey threw the front door open and pushed his son onto the streets. ‘Go earn some fucking money. Maybe then you’ll think twice before wasting food _and_ ignoring me!’

Loki fell face first into the pile of snow that covered the deserted streets. He quickly scrambled to his feet, his hitched breath parting his lips in white puffs. ‘No…’ desperation filled his eyes as he looked at his father. He knew what this meant, his mother had already thought him long ago.

Loki would never forget the face of the broad man who had once knocked on their door two years ago, claiming that Farbauti owed him a large amount of money. The woman, however, was unable to pay him.

So she offered her son.

 _“It is time to become a big boy now, Loki.”_ She had whispered, smiling at her oblivious son as he merely blinked his eyes in confusion. _“Now, go with this nice gentleman here and make mommy proud. Show me you can earn your food.”_

The child had merely whispered for his mother’s help as the stranger took him upstairs.

‘Dad… dad please!’ Loki’s breathing became frantic, feeling the ghost of that man, that _stranger’s,_ touch all over his body again. ‘Please don’t make me do this. Please!’

The teen’s pleading fell on deaf ears. His father slammed the door, causing snow to fall from the old gutters. He kept standing in front of the house, trying to catch his breath. The raven wanted to knock on the door, to beg his father and mother to let him back inside but he knew they would never let him in. Not until he had earned some money.

With his nose and ears slowly turning red from the cold, Loki made his way to the center of town. The streets slowly turned from deserted and filthy, to clean and bubbling with life. Christmas decorations were everywhere, lights glistening and turning the dark streets into something Loki could only describe as magical. People surrounding him were smiling and laughing, walking past countless stores to do some final Christmas shopping.

Loki made sure to keep his head low, not wanting to look at them. He did not want to see their happiness, did not want to wonder how their Christmas would be like. Would they have a tree, large and glistening with countless ornaments? Would there be present underneath, both large and small, waiting to be opened? Would there be a fireplace softly crackling in the living room while the smell of a delicious meal filled the air?

He shook his head and stared at his bare feet. He tried to allow the cold to distract him, the snow feeling like thousands of icy needles constantly stabbing into his skin.

God, he hated Christmas.

Loki absentmindedly wondered through the busy streets and eventually stopped at a dark, slightly isolated alley. He stared into the dimness, knowing what was expected of him and knowing this was the fastest way to earn enough money for his parents to let him back inside.

So, ignoring some of the other prostitutes who have already claimed their spot, Loki took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. He put up an innocent face, staring at the passing strangers through his long and black lashes. He knew how to sell himself, having learned everything from his mother by watching her work while he used to wait for her in the car.

And it seemed like his efforts were paying off.

A man, dressed in a nice suit, blond hair and black glasses approaches him. Loki gulped, but tried not to let his nerves show. He was already sixteen, he should not be nervous about selling his body.

‘You know,’ the man started as he looked the child up and down, clearly inspecting his figure. ‘I have to say, I was in a really, _really,_ bad mood. My usual whore wasn’t available tonight and I thought that was just the worst kind of luck. But now that I see you…’ he kept staring, clearly contemplating.

‘I can be just like him,’ Loki let out in a sultry voice. ‘Better, even.’

‘Just like him?’ The man laughed. He grabbed his wallet to check for cash, at which Loki got a quick glimpse at his ID card. _Alexander Pierce._ ‘Believe me, you can’t,’ the man, _Pierce_ , continued. ‘Not unless you were planning on growing a good twenty inches right here, right now. Oh, and also,’ He grabbed the child’s left arm and held it tight. ‘You would have to lose this.’ He laughed as the child froze. ‘Well, you do both have the shoulder length hair, though his hair is brown, not black.’

Loki gulped, trying to hold up his confident appearance, though he was sure he had long lost it. ‘Well… I- I…’

‘How old are you?’ the man interrupted.

‘Eighteen, sir.’ The teen lied.

‘Yeah, right. Well, I haven’t got much time, kid.’ A predatory grin formed on Pierce’s face, his eyes darkened with lust. ‘So, get on your knees and show me what you’ve got.’


	2. Chapter 2

Loki froze as the man held his arm in a tight grip. He could not imagine what it must be like to live without his arm, nor could he imagine why someone would fetishize something like that. His jaw started to quiver, though he did not know whether that was caused by Pierce or by the cold. ‘Well… I- I…’

‘How old are you, anyway?’ Pierce cut him short as he pulled the raven deeper into the darkness of the alley.

‘Eighteen.’

‘Yeah, right.’ He scoffed. ‘How much?’

Loki blinked his eyes for a moment, realizing he hadn’t even thought of his prices. ‘Uhm… T-ten.’ It sounded more like a question rather than an answer.

‘Ten?’ Pierce repeated in disbelief, a predatory grin on his face. ‘God, it’s a Christmas miracle.’ A dark grin formed on his lips. Loki decided to just follow his lead, nervousness causing his legs to go weak.

‘…Sir?’

‘What?’

‘What, uhm- what happened to your, usual prostitute…?’

‘We had a little dispute, nothing to serious,’ he roughly pushed the trickster against a wall, pinning him down using the weight of his body. ‘Let’s just say he’s got a nice place to sleep tonight in the hospital. Though I wonder if he’ll ever wake up.’

Loki whimpered softly as he was pushed against freezing bricks. His mind was racing yet seemed to process the information agonizingly slow. His breath hitched as he felt Pierce’s hot breath in the nape of his neck, his hands slowly moving over his chest. ‘Sir…?’

‘Now, be a good boy and bent over a little, baby,’ the man’s fingers danced like snakes over his stomach and hips, slowly moving them to unbuckle the teen’s pants. ‘Come on, show me that tight little ass.’

‘N-no…’ the raven tried to keep calm. It had to be some sort of mistake, some form of miscommunication. ‘I-I only do hand-jobs.’ He clarified, moving has hands over Pierce’s, trying to tear them from his pants. His hips jolted backwards in a reflex to get away from his touch, only to have his ass pressed into the man’s groin.

Panic weighed like a heavy stone in his stomach as he felt that the man was already hard, causing nauseating waves of heat and cold to roll through his body. ‘Sir…?’

‘Only hand-jobs, huh?’ Pierce impatiently pulled down Loki’s pants, now fiddling with the raven’s underwear. ‘Is that how you like to play this game? First you get your costumers all fucking horny and then tell them they can’t even touch you?’ He pulled at Loki’s hair and planted rough and sloppy kisses in his neck. ‘You fucking trickster.’

‘No! No, I didn’t-!’ Loki’s blood froze in his veins, his breath stuck in his throat as he felt the man’s hand moving over his ass, squeezing roughly before probing at his entrance. ‘N-no…’

Memories came flashing back. How he had to satisfy the stranger at the door so that his mother did not have to pay. How the man had ripped his clothes off when they were in his bedroom and how he had touched every part of Loki’s body.

He remembered the humiliation, the confusion, but most of all, he remembered that searing, burning pain.

‘No…’ He whispered softly, his entire body quivering. The man started to rut against him, panting heavily in his neck as one digit of his finger moved into the teen’s rim.

Something in Loki’s mind snapped. Something that kept him safe, sane and silent.

‘No!’ He screamed frantically, trying to kick and claw at Pierce’s hands. ‘No! Stop! Please, stop!’

‘Shut up, you little whore!’ Pierce sneered, one hand wrapped around the teen’s waist while the other was unbuckling his suit pants. ‘This’ll teach you to be such a fucking tease! To trick people like that!’

‘Hey!’

A heavy voice bellowed through the alley, causing Pierce to freeze and look up. ‘The fuck you want? Can’t you see I’m busy?’ he gestured towards the trembling mess in his arms. ‘You’ll just have to wait your turn.’

Loki’s chest was heaving with sobs. He hardly dared to move yet forced himself to look at the stranger. He tried to blink the tears from his eyes and slowly made out a silhouette. The guy was at least a foot taller than Pierce, and significantly younger as well. He was big, muscular built, and for as far as Loki could tell he had blond hair.

Loki briefly wondered what this man wanted, bile threatening to crawl up his throat as he feared the worst.

Pierce watched the stranger for a second, then decided to ignore him as the blond did not react. He shrugged, continued to fumble with his belt, causing Loki to whimper.

All Loki heard after that was the sound of heavy footsteps moving through the thick layer of snow, followed by the sound of something cracking and a load growl filled with pain. He cautiously turned around as the arm around his waist was gone and found Pierce stumbled to the ground, nose bleeding heavily.

He looked at the blond, now standing next to him. His hand was clasped into a tight fist, his sky-blue eyes glistening with the promise of death. ‘Do not dare to lay another finger on this child ever again,’ his voice was like thunder, confident, dark and unyielding.

Pierce quickly rose to his feet and adjusted his suit as if to brush off the threat.

It only took the blond one simple step in his direction to send Pierce running.

‘Fucking piece of shit,’ the blond grumbled. He then turned his gaze towards the raven, his eyes immediately filling with leniency as he stared into terror-glazed emeralds. ‘Are you alright? Did he harm you?’

‘Y-yes… N-no, no, he just-’ a red flush moved over his face as the towering man seemed to look him over. He quickly pulled up his pants, his trembling hands struggling with his zipper. He cursed as he tried to breath through a panic attack. ‘I- I just- I need to- to…’

‘Hey, easy, it’s okay. It’s over,’ The blond’s voice was warm, a major contrast to his previous threat. He placed a gentle hand on the raven’s shoulder, effectively gaining his hysteric gaze. ‘My name is Thor, care to tell me yours?’

The teen swallowed, still having no idea what this stranger, this _Thor_ , wanted. ‘Loki.’

‘Well, Loki, I-’ Thor’s sympathetic smile turned into a grave glare as he took a closer look at the teen’s body. The raven’s lips were pale and starting to turn bleu, as were the tip of his fingers. The palms of his hands were an angry shade of red, blisters forming, indicating at least second degree burning. He was trembling from head to toe and-

Thor glanced down again. Loki’s toes were slowly turning blue. ‘You are not wearing shoes,’ he stated in horrified shock.

‘Obviously,’ Loki responded uncomfortably. His eyes widened in sudden realization, ‘No… No, no, no, no!’

‘What’s the matter?’ the blond asked as he watched him pace back and forth.

‘I never got the money,’ Loki whispered under his breath. He ran out of the alley and looked up and down the street, finding it deserted.

Thor’s heroic performance must have scared the costumers away.

‘How am I going to get the money now…?’ He turned around, facing Thor and expecting a solution. ‘I mean, I tried pickpocketing once, but all people seem to have nowadays are those damn credit cards. People don’t carry cash around anymore!’

Loki started to panic, again, the pain in his feet replaced by complete numbness. He was shivering at the cold, in fear, and in shock of almost being raped. He tried to think of a plan, a way for his parents to let him back into the house.

He did not want to spend the rest of the evening and night on the streets. He wanted to go home, to finally eat _something_. He wanted his bed, even though the matrass was covered with stains, his pillow reeking with mold and his blanket not even warm enough to keep him from shivering. He just wanted to go home.

He glared at Thor, ‘This is all your fault!’

‘Come again?’ The blond was absolutely stunned, though as he looked deep into emerald eyes, he saw not only anger but fear as well. He took a deep breath, ‘Loki, why do you need this money so bad?’

‘Because I want to go home!’ The teen shouted, ‘Because I need the money so my father will let me in again! I- I spilled dinner and my dad got furious and he was shouting and telling me I was useless and he’s right! I can’t even earn my fucking food! I- I can’t even earn money without being a little whiny bitch and-!’

Thor listened in complete horror as the raven rambled on. He decided to interrupt him as Loki’s breathing became frantic again. ‘Loki… Is your father the reason why you are out on the freezing streets without a coat or even a pair of shoes? Did he tell you to- to do this?’

‘It’s not his fault,’ Loki took a deep, ragged breath, trying to collect himself though his voice remained to falter. ‘I fucked up. I ruined the soup and I really tried to clean it, but…’ He looked at his burned hands. ‘My parents are right,’ Tears threaten to roll down his cheeks again. ‘I am an ungrateful piece of shit…’

Thor felt his heart aching with grief. Grief for the child’s fate, for his misfortune and suffering. He wondered how he could help, if only for one evening. ‘… How much?’

Hope filled Loki’s eyes again, crushing Thor’s chest. ‘For what?’

‘For the entire night.’

The raven’s heart drummed in his chest. He knew better than to trust strangers, even when they help you and give you their name. It could all be a simple illusion, a trick to gain trust only to let it shatter the moment you give into them.

Then again, maybe there was something at Thor’s place worth stealing. Something small but expansive, like jewelry. He could trick Thor into letting him in and disappear before the blond would even notice something missing.

Yes, he could be a trickster.

‘Two hundred,’ he eventually stated.

Thor let out a deep sigh and unbuttoned his trench coat.

Loki steeled himself as the blond came walking towards him, not expecting the man to start here in the cold. The trickster closed his eyes as Thor wrapped his arms around his much smaller body.

Only, instead of feeling greedy hands move over the small of his back he felt… warmth.

Loki opened his eyes, finding Thor’s coat covering draped over his shoulders.

‘Come on now,’ Thor lifted him easily in one arm, making sure the teen’s feet were covered with the soft fabric. ‘Let’s go home.’

Loki wanted to protest, then fell silent as the man grabbed a few shopping bags he did not even notice were there. What amazed him even more was the large Christmas tree that waited around the corner, only to be lifted and carried as well.

Loki wondered how strong this man truly was as his eyes closed, the steady rhythm of the blond’s walking slowly drifting him to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing Loki noticed before opening his eyes was the sound of something crackling, followed by the smell of… fire? He felt warm and did not want to wake up, huddled up in what he assumed was Thor’s coat.

Thor.

His eyes shot open and he looked around. He was lying on a couch which was pressed against the wall in a relatively small living room. There was a fire burning, gentle flames dancing, spreading warmth throughout the house. It was almost mesmerizing to look at. Sports were on tv, and next to it, standing a little askew, was the Christmas tree Thor had dragged along, still pale and undecorated.

It only then dawned on him that he was alone. He removed the dark red blanket that was draped over his body and soundlessly tiptoed through the living like a thief in the night. His feet hurt, as did his hands and it took him a second to realize that they were treated and wrapped in bandages. He stared at a couple of framed photographs standing idly on the fireplace mantel. He immediately recognized Thor yet had no clue who the others were. Friends maybe? Or family? Whoever they were, they looked very happy, the gloomy feeling of loneliness creeping through Loki’s body as he looked at their smiling faces.

‘Glad to see you’re up,’ Thor smiled at him, coming from another room. ‘For a moment I thought you would sleep through the entire night.’

Loki shivered at the thought, grateful to be awake. He shook off the feeling of isolation and forced a cocky smile on his face. ‘And miss out on that money?’ he asked with as much confidence as he could muster. ‘Never.’

‘… That’s my family,’ Thor pointed at a picture, hoping to change the subject. ‘Here, that’s my father, Odin, and my mother, Frigga, and this most charming vixen over here is my sister, Hela.’

‘Vixen?’ Loki chuckled softly. ‘I take it you two don’t really get along, huh?’ He looked closer at the picture, a sad smile forming on his face. The woman, Thor’s mother, had a kind and gentle expression, her husband standing at her side with pride. The black-haired lady, which Loki never had taken for Thor’s sister, might have a devious glimpse in her eyes but she did look happy. As for Thor, well, he just had a beaming smile plastered on his face.

‘Nah, we get along just fine,’ Thor’s eyes were sparkling, reliving what seemed like warm and pleasant memories. ‘She’s my older sis, I really looked up to her when we were little.’

Loki sighed, an earie feeling moving in his stomach which he could only describe as anger. No, envy. He did not want to hear about Thor’s warm and happy family. ‘So, what is it you want me to do?’ He forced himself to press his body against that of the blond, his hands moving up his chest. He begged himself to find his courage, ‘Would you want me on my stomach in your bed? Or would you rather throw me against the wall and fuck me right here?’

Thor remained speechless for a moment, hearing the teen’s fear dripping through every filthy word. He wanted to wrap his arms around him, protect him from everything he’s been through and whisper sweet and comforting nothings. ‘Actually, I was hoping you could help me decorate the tree.’ He said as casually as possible.

‘… Excuse me?’ Loki asked baffled.

‘Well, I kinda need this done, like, within a couple of hours. And I need to prepare dinner and get all kinds of Christmas shit from the attic, so I was hoping…?’ He gestured towards the tree, smiling a little awkwardly. Loki figured he would, for he could not imagine anyone ever asking a hooker to help with Christmas decorations.

‘Uh… So, to make it clear, you want to pay me… to help you decorate your Christmas tree?’ As Thor nodded, that same beaming smile on his face, Loki let out a confused huff. ‘O-okay. Sure, I guess. Whatever turns you on…’

It took about ten minutes for Thor to collect his Christmas decorations from his attic, carrying at least three boxes at a time. He placed them in the living room, entrusting Loki with making his place as cliché Christmassy as possible.

‘This seems like a really big thing for you,’ Loki commented as he stared at a glistening dark-green ornament. ‘A really big last-minute thing, that is.’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ Thor responded as he stood in the kitchen, the smell of fresh food filling the house. Loki was grateful the two areas were separated as his stomach started to make obscene noises in hunger which he could only describe as the mating call of a whale.

‘Let’s just say I got a call from Misses Claus,’ Thor continued, cursing as something fell from his hands. ‘She basically said I need to get my Christmas shit together tonight or I’ll be on the naughty list.’

Loki stopped for a moment and frowned, ‘Right.’ The two continued separately, listening to Christmas songs playing merrily in the background. The raven enjoyed them, hearing most for the first time. Some of the songs and carols were funny and silly while others were plain beautiful. He hummed along softly and found himself actually trying his best to make the tree shine and glisten. He remembered the trees he passed by when walking to the center of town. He remembered their colors, their splendor and the twinkling lights and tried his best to copy that look.

‘Time for a break,’ the blond walked back inside, a bowl of hot steamy soup in his hand. ‘Here, try this.’

The raven took it with caution and sat down on the couch, nearly spilling the soup as Thor almost threw himself next to him, letting out a content sigh. Loki stared at the meal a moment longer before taking a thoughtful bite. ‘This… this is delicious!’ his eyes widened, gobbling the rest of the meal as he only now realized how hungry he truly was. ‘You really are an amazing cook!’

‘Happy to hear you enjoy it,’ The blond was indeed _truly_ happy, seeing the malnourished teen eat vigorously. He stretched an arm, wanting to wrap it around the raven but decided to let it rest on the back of the couch. ‘Though I can’t really take credit for this. It’s take-out, Chinese.’

‘Well, it sure as hell is a lot better than the stuff I eat at home.’ Thor could hardly make out his words as Loki kept stuffing his face like a starving man, speaking with his mouth full. ‘Mom never really cooks, neither does dad, so there usually isn’t much food in the house.’

‘But… what is it you _do_ eat, if there isn’t any food?’ Thor hardly dared to ask, not knowing what painful memories he was unraveling.

The teen shrugged, ‘Mostly take-away or we order food. I’ve tried to cook, sometimes…’ Loki became still, his face paling as he put down his spoon. ‘My dad he- he drinks a lot. As for my mom, she… well, she’s just not that picky at what she puts in her mouth…’

Loki mumbled the last sentences, not really sure why he was telling all of this to Thor in the first place. He looked up from his plate, seeing the man stare at him in complete loss. The teen quickly forced on a smile, ‘I should get back to decorating that tree.’ He handed Thor his plate, a bit of soup still left. ‘Wouldn’t dare to just take money from the elderly.’

Thor let out a sigh of concern despite the trickster’s attempt at lightening the mood. Countless questions were racing through his mind, but he eventually decided to let the teen be and occasionally wondered back into the kitchen.

Loki let his mind wonder as he took about an hour to finish the tree, oblivious to the smile that was slowly forming back on his face again.

‘You did a pretty amazing job,’ Thor commented as he stood next to him, his arm brushing against the teen’s shoulder. ‘Thanks, Loki.’

Loki merely stared at the blond at his side, his voice seemingly abandoning him. He was praised. He did what he was asked and was _actually_ praised. It left a strange tingly feeling inside, something he was not used to, yet it was still a pleasant sensation. He just smiled.

‘One thing though,’ Thor said, causing Loki’s smile to chatter with dread. ‘You forgot to put on the tree-topper.’

‘… Shit,’ Loki whispered under his breath as he looked up, having no clue how he could possibly reach the top of the tree now that it was hanging full of fragile ornaments. ‘I… I’m so sorry…’

‘Hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry,’ Thor quickly comforted him and then handed him the final ornament. ‘Here, you take this. Now get on my shoulders.’ Thor got to his knees as Loki merely stared at him with questioning eyes. ‘Come on. Hop on my shoulders.’

The raven stared for a second longer, only to do as Thor told him. He yelped as the man stood up, sending him into the air. He wrapped a hand around Thor’s, fingers lacing as he sought for balance and support. He eventually managed to get the job done and held on tight to the blond as he helped him back on his own two feet.

‘Perfect, great job,’ Thor praised him again and all Loki could do was stare at those ocean blue eyes, shimmering in Christmas lights. The blond’s expression was kind, his hand gently resting on Loki’s shoulder. It felt warm and all Loki wanted was to wrap his arms around the blond’s waist. If Thor would express his affection the same way as Loki’s mother did, lips pressed against his own, then maybe this time the gesture would not feel like pure violation. Maybe he would even enjoy it.

He quickly turned his attention towards the tree again as a red blush started to form on his cheeks.

A loud beep popped their little bubble and both men turned their attention towards the kitchen.

‘What was that?’ Loki asked, following Thor.

‘That was my number one chef telling me dinner’s almost ready.’ He looked back and smiled. ‘Chef Ov.’

‘Ov…?’ the raven frowned at the odd name, then realized someone else was apparently in this house besides Thor without him noticing it.

‘Chef Oven,’ Thor quipped as he walked into the kitchen and placed a large pot into the pre-heated machine. ‘Sorry, my dad told me that joke once when I was a kid. I genuinely believed we had a magical helper in the kitchen called Ov for at least five years.’

Loki snorted and rolled his eyes, ‘such a bright and clever child you must have been.’

‘Hey, watch it,’ Loki only knew these words as a genuine threat, yet all he saw in Thor’s eyes was mirth. ‘You’re still a kid, right? How old are you, anyway?’

‘Eighteen.’

‘Then I’m twenty-one.’

Loki sighed a little irritably as Thor was obviously older. ‘Fine,’ he muttered. ‘Sixteen.’

‘I see,’ Thor tried his best to hide the pain that tugged at his heart again. To be so young and forced to sell himself on the streets. He wondered about Loki’s upbringing and what his childhood was like. ‘I’m twenty-six, so… Anyway, could you please put those on the table?’ he pointed at five flutes standing on the counter.

Loki nodded and turned towards the table which was already set with fine-looking china, some candles and two carafes filled with wine and water.

‘Oh, one second,’ he quickly replaced one of them with a regular glass and winked. ‘Don’t want you to drink.’

Loki didn’t pay much attention to it. He would never touch a drop of alcohol, seeing its destructive influence every single day fist hand. ‘You are expecting company.’ It was a remark, though a hint of confusion was found in his voice.

‘Well, yes, I-’ Thor started but got interrupted by a loud ring coming from the front door. ‘Oh, they’re here.’ He smiled, though letting out a nervous sigh as he walked towards the front of the house.

Loki felt lost, fiddling nervously with the sleeves of his old sweater as he heard happy greetings. He did not know what to do, had no clue of what Thor was expecting of him. He remembered his parents always sending him to his room when they had friends over but quickly realized that that was not an option.

‘Well, I’m impressed.’

Loki heard a woman’s voice, warm and proud. Thor’s guests had gathered in the living room, causing Loki to search for a place to hide.

‘Something here smells amazing, son,’ a man’s voice followed, and Loki figured it were Thor’s parents. His heart was beating violently in his chest and he eventually just froze as Thor entered the kitchen, followed by three stranger who Loki recognized from the photos.

‘Oh,’ the woman sounded surprised as she looked at the raven, though her smile remained. ‘You must be Loki?’

The raven shivered, not knowing how to respond. Has Thor really told his family that he had taken in a whore? And on Christmas eve at that. ‘I- I…’ he stammered, blushing in self-consciousness as he looked at the gorgeous garment the family was wearing. He looked at his own clothes, an old dark-green sweeter and a pair of worn out black jeans. He really wished he could just disappear.

‘Yes, mom,’ Thor quickly stepped to Loki’s side and placed a hand on his shoulder. ‘This is my coworker who I’ve told you about when we were on the phone.’ He shot a quick wink towards the raven.

‘Y-yes,’ he stammered, trying to play along even though he had no idea what Thor’s occupation was. ‘Thor and I- we work together… at the same company.’

‘Really?’ the woman with black hair, Hela, if Loki remembered correctly, crossed her arms and cocked a brow in skepticism. ‘You work at the NYPD?’

‘Yes,’ Loki stated with as much convincing as he could muster. ‘I organize all kinds of documents… as an intern… It’s a secretary internship… at the NYPD.’ He nodded in fake confidence, cursing himself for his lack of being able to lie with a straight face.

Hela narrowed her eyes, wanting to comment but got interrupted by her father. ‘Well, whatever you are, we are just happy to have you here.’ Odin’s smile was so similar to his son’s. ‘Thor, help me get the Christmas presents from the car, will you?’

'Sure,’ the blond smiled at Loki. ‘Be right back. And Hela, don’t you dare scare off my guest!’

‘Wouldn’t dream of it,’ she rolled her eyes as Thor and Odin left, then looked the raven up and down. ‘So, how old are you?’

‘Sixteen.’

‘Yep, pass.’ She ignored the raven as she walked past him and grabbed the wine.

‘Well now, Loki, won’t you come sit with us?’ Frigga sat down at the table and patted the seat next to her.

The raven hesitated at first but then did as he was asked. He sat down at the table, Hela opposite of him, Frigga at his side. Her chestnut eyes portrayed a love and serenity only a mother could carry. Her hand on Loki’s back was warm and comforting as she smiled, a feeling of safety which Loki had never felt before with his own mother. A sudden urge overwhelmed him, the need to shuffle closer, to let his head rest against her shoulder and listen to her silvery voice. Her tender laughter filled the air as Hela almost instantly took it as her job to inform Loki on all the juicy and embarrassing stories of her little brother.

Loki listened attentively, unaware of the smile on his face as Hela told a story of a young Thor begging for a pet duck, or the time he kept nagging to go to Disney World, only to confess that he did not dare to get into any of the rides the moment they were in the park.

Loki could not remember the last time he laughed as carefree as he did now, his smile only growing wider as Thor and Odin returned, hideous Christmas sweaters pulled over their bulky bodies.

Thor scoffed as Hela, Frigga and Loki plainly laughed at the two, though he could not hide his smile any longer as his father patted him on the shoulder. ‘Wouldn’t laugh that hard if I were you, Loki.’ He grinned and handed Loki a box. ‘Come on, open it.’

Loki froze for a second, but then started to pull at the red ribbon and opened his present. ‘You… You got me a sweater…’ He murmured softly, holding up the piece of clothing that was equally horrible as those of Thor and Odin.

‘Yes, master has presented Dobby with clothes,’ Hela crossed her arms, though she chuckled warmly at Loki’s flabbergasted expression. ‘When Thor told us a colleague would join us this Christmas I made it my personal mission to humiliate the three of you equally.’

‘Go on, love,’ Frigga placed her hand on Loki’s shoulder. ‘Try it on, won’t you?’

Loki smiled and nodded. He jumped towards the hallway for some privacy and started to change sweaters. He stopped halfway, his gaze falling on a piece of greenery hanging from the ceiling.

He had seen something like that before, once, in a movie. A mistletoe, if he remembered correctly. A parasitic plant one hangs from the ceiling to kiss under. It was a tradition Loki would never come to understand, yet he could not stop the image forming in his head of standing underneath it, Thor’s strong arms wrapped around his body as they shared a gentle kiss which would only grow more fervent as time would pass.

He quickly shook his head and pulled his new sweater over his head. It was slightly too big, small plastic bells jingling as he looked at the jolly Santa on his chest.

‘You okay in there, lad?’ Odin called and Loki quickly walked into the living room, proudly presenting his new garment. The family laughed and gathered around the dining table to eat.

Never in his life had Loki felt this content, this carefree. He simply could not stop smiling, listening to the stories being told, to Thor and Hela teasing each other like true siblings, or rather like true five-year-olds. A warm, fuzzy feeling rested in his tummy as he watched Frigga and Odin holding hands, the older man lovingly caressing his wife’s fingers with his thumb.

For the first time Loki felt like all was right with the world, forgetting about his abusive parents, about a man’s greedy hands moving over his body in a dark alley.

For a moment he forgot all that was his life, that was until he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He looked down, his smile instantly fading as his face went as pale as the snow outside.

His mother was calling him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay everyone, this is it.  
> There are only two chapters left, one with a good ending and one with a bad ending.   
> NOW! We can do this 2 ways. 
> 
> 1\. I name the chapters "good ending" and "bad ending" 
> 
> OR! 
> 
> 2\. I could leave you in the dark. This chapter ended with Loki getting a phone call.   
> Now you decide whether he picks up or not. I will name the chapters "pick up" and "ignore" and you will have to read your chosen chapter, leaving the ending as a surprise....
> 
> I personally like the second idea, but I really want to know what you guys would like. 
> 
> please let me know and I truly hope you will enjoy the holidays~!


	4. Chapter 4 - Pick Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *please read*
> 
> YES! I DID IT! I wanted to upload this chapter during Christmas... then I realized I wasn't happy AT ALL with how it turned out, so I decided to re-write it, promising myself that it would be finished and posted before the end of the year... Which I did :D
> 
> Anyway! For those of you who wanted to go with the second option ("pick up" and "ignore") here you have it! I hope you will enjoy it and that it will have the outcome you were shooting for :D
> 
> For those who DON'T wish to play in this fanfic roulette, please scroll to the very bottom of this fic. I will write which ending this chapter has at the end Notes, so you can check that out before reading and still choose the ending you want ^^
> 
> I hope you will enjoy~

Never in his life had Loki felt this content, this carefree. He simply could not stop smiling, listening to the stories being told, to Thor and Hela teasing each other like true siblings, or rather like true five-year-olds. A warm, fuzzy feeling rested in his tummy as he watched Frigga and Odin holding hands, the older man lovingly caressing his wife’s fingers with his thumb.

For the first time Loki felt like all was right with the world, forgetting about his abusive parents, about a man’s greedy hands moving over his body in a dark alley.

For a moment he forgot all that was his life, that was until he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He looked down, his smile instantly fading as his face went pale as the snow outside.

His mother was calling him.

The raven looked up, eyes wide with fear. He slowly slipped from the table unnoticed, a skill he had honed to perfection after living with his abusive parents for so long. He sneaked into the hallway, closing the door behind him and picked up his phone. ‘Mom…?’

‘ _Loki_ ,’ relief sounded in Fárbauti’s voice. ‘ _My baby, where are you, darling? Mommy misses you so, so much. I have been worried sick!_ ’

Loki could already tell that his mother was under influence, though he wasn’t sure whether it was alcohol or drugs. ‘I- I’m working, mom. You know, earning my food?’

‘ _No, no, no!_ _Loki, I want you to come home, right now.’_

‘I can’t,’ he tried to keep his voice down, not wanting to be the center of drama for Thor and his family. He really did not want to ruin their holiday. ‘I haven’t earned enough money yet. Dad will never let me in…’

‘ _But I need you!’_ his mother started to sound like a spoilt little child now, nagging to get her way. ‘ _Loki please, please come home! I’ll die without you!’_

The teen rubbed his temple, his head instantly throbbing. ‘Mom listen to me, please. Where’s dad? Maybe he could help you-’

‘ _Your father is a useless piece of shit_!’ Fárbauti was shouting, the whining in her voice instantly replaced by hatred. ‘ _Loki, he- he-_ ’ She burst into tears, sobbing blatantly. ‘ _He cheated on me!_ ’

Loki felt deflated, all his energy lost to his mother’s crying. It was a lament he had listened to so many times yet never seem to stay with Fárbauti when she was intoxicated. It was exhausting to listen to her, to comfort her, and to get blamed for all that was wrong with their marriage.

Loki knew that he was a mistake, that his parents never wanted him. His mother had told him over and over again, sober, drunk and high, how she wished he had never been born. How having a child, having _him_ , was the worst thing that had ever happened to her.

Loki has wondered so many times whether the world would be better off without him. Whether his parents would be happy if he would press a knife into his wrists and never wake up again.

Unfortunately he had never found the courage to do so.

‘ _This is all your fault,’_ his mother continued quietly, disappointment heavy in her voice.

‘…I know,’ Loki’s voice began to crack, tears forming in his eyes. ‘I’m so sorry, mom…’

‘ _Why were you born, Loki?’_ She asked so sincerely as she sniffed away her tears. _‘Why did you not just die when I was pregnant with you? Do you have any idea how much I drank during that time?’_

The raven child was trembling heavily, his mind going blank as guilt was all that consumed him. ‘I… I-’ he stammered, not knowing what to say.

‘ _If only…_ ’ His mother sighed, not finishing her sentence.

‘Mom…?’

‘ _If only you would stop being so selfish,’_ her voice was without emotion, as if she had given up on life itself. _‘If only you would just- you would just die.’_

A long silence followed, after which she continued. _‘We wouldn’t have to pay for your clothes, your school, your fucking hospital bills cause you’re too damn weak. We could just collect your insurance money and-_ ’ she took a deep breath, her words filled with hope as she talked about a brighter future without her child. ‘ _We could just- be happy_.’

The only reply she got was complete silence.

‘ _Loki… why can’t you just die_?’

The raven was completely frozen, his mind nothing but static as he tried to process his mother’s words. Tears rolled down his cheeks as his rigid muscles turned into a shivering mess. ‘Mom…’ he whispered so softly, though he could not think of anything else to say. He parted his lips, wanting to scream, shout, even _beg_ , though he did not know what for.

Farbauti sighed. ‘ _Just- just get that money and come home. Make sure to pick up some food along the way.’_

The teen gave a trembling nod, even though he knew his mother could not see it. She hang up and Loki held his phone to his ear just a little longer, oblivious to the obnoxious beeping.

He stared at the reflection in the front door’s small window, seeing nothing but a weeping failure. Maybe his mother was right. Maybe the best way to help his family was not to sell his body, or to steal, but to _just die_.

He shuffled forward, a mindless husk, his eyes falling on a shiny letter opener lying on a small dresser. His fingers trailed over the wood, stopping at the small knife and picking it up. He stared at the gleaming silver in the palm of his hand, eyes dull and heart beating softly in his chest.

If this was the only way to make his parents happy, to make them proud, then he would gladly oblige. Maybe, when they would stand at his funeral, they would say that he was not a complete waste. Maybe, when he is buried deep within the cold and dark ground, they would tell him that they love him.

* * *

‘Thor,’ Frigga looked around the table, her charming smile falling. ‘Where is Loki?’

The blond looked up, his mouth stuffed with food. He stared at the empty seat next to his mother and then at his sister.

‘Hey! Don’t look at me,’ she raised a defensive hand and took a sip of her wine. ‘Maybe he got sick of your food and went home.’

‘ _Or_ maybe he just went for the bathroom,’ Odin quickly suggested, shooting his daughter a silencing glare. ‘and he was just too embarrassed to say so.’

‘I guess,’ Thor agreed, only then swallowing his food, effectively making his older sister roll her eyes in disgust.

The family continued enjoying their dinner, though Thor could not shake the feeling of unease. He stood up after impatiently waiting for five more minutes, nearly knocking over the table. ‘I’ll just go check on him. See if he’s alright.’ He strode out of the dining room as his mother nodded.

‘Loki?’ Thor poked his head around the corner and stared into a deserted living room. He frowned, worry creeping through his body as he took bigger steps. He opened the door to the hallway, ‘Loki?’

At first, he wanted to shut the door again as no answer was given but stopped just before walking away. His eyes widened as he saw the teen huddled in a corner, knees pressed against his chest, hiding his face. One hand was tangled in his hair while the other…

Thor immediately threw himself at Loki’s feet, yanking the razor sharp letter opener from his hand. The tip of the knife was red, a drop of blood slowly moving down the edge of the blade. ‘Loki…?’ he placed a hand on the raven’s shoulder, yet he did not respond. ‘Loki?!’

The blond pulled his cellphone from his pocket, ready to dial 911. He stopped as he heard a quiet sob coming from the teen in front of him.

‘Loki… it’s okay, I’m here. You’re alright now,’ he gently held Loki’s arm, pulling his fingers from his hair to check his wrist.

The bandage from the raven’s damaged hand was removed, showing a small cut close to his artery. Blood was slowly drying on his skin, the wound already healing. It was as if the tip of the blade had pierced the skin yet had gratefully not been moved any further. 

Thor let out a deep sigh in relief. ‘Loki, what happened…? Please look at me,’ He placed a hand on the teen’s cheek, wanting to see his face, yet Loki did not move, sitting like a statue. 

‘…I can’t do it,’ a hoarse voice eventually muttered, ‘I can’t even- I-’ he started to tremble, violent shivers wrecking his body as his chest started to heave. ‘Why can’t I do this? It’s not fair…’

Thor listened in absolute shock and swallowed. His voice was soft, words cautiously falling from his lips. ‘What happened? Why would you want to do something like this?’

‘Because I am a failure! A disappointment, a mistake!’ Loki shouted, making himself as small as possible as he finally broke. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he swatted the man’s hand from his face, frustration and anger raging through his chest. ‘I ruined everything! It’s all my fault and I can’t even-!’ Heavy sobs disrupted his sentences, his voice wavering. ‘I can’t even fucking kill myself!’

The blond’s eyes widened with pure shock and horror. He grabbed to teen’s hands, trying to pull them from Loki’s face. The teen tried to resist, though he didn’t have the energy to put up much of a fight.

‘Loki, look at me. Look at me!’ Thor’s voice was low, every word dripping with concern and sorrow. He managed to get the teen’s attention and cupped his face with his hands, making sure to look him in his emerald eyes. ‘Whatever the problem is, whoever told you that taking your own life is the solution, they were wrong!’ He caressed the raven’s cheeks, wiping a tear away with his thumb. ‘All of them were wrong! You must never-’ his voice started to waver, throat constricting with dismay and anger. ‘You must never, _ever,_ do this again. Do you hear me?’

Loki stared at the blond through wet eyes, fury and frustration quickly making way for confusion. Thor was… crying. The only problem was that the teen could not understand why.

‘You are amazing, and so clever, Loki,’ Thor continued, gently tucking some black strands behind the raven’s ear. He sniffed and tried to take a deep breath, ‘I am so, so sorry you’ve been feeling so miserable. That someone made you feel so worthless that you-’ he shook his head, eyes red with tears. ‘I am just so glad you’re still here.’

Loki felt the safety of two strong arms wrapping around his body before he could even process the man’s words. Thor held him close against his chest, where he found warmth and sanctuary.

Fear and grief were all that was left in Loki’s clouded mind.

He wrapped his arms around the broader man, fingers grabbing his shirt as he held on for dear life. Violent cries ripped from his throat, tears staining Thor’s shirt as he hid his face in the man’s neck.

After about ten full minutes of nonstop crying, Loki’s screams finally settled to soft sobs and hiccups. He was exhausted, his emotions draining him from all energy. ‘I don’t want to go home…’ he whispered softly. ‘I-I don’t want to-’

‘Shhh, hush, love. It’s okay, you can stay here, with me.’ Thor cradled him in his arms, softly rocking back and forth. He pressed a kiss against the raven’s temple, ‘I will keep you safe.’

‘I’m so sorry…’

‘For what?’

‘Ruining Christmas for you and your family…’

The blond chuckled softy. ‘That’s okay. I don’t think Hela liked the food, anyway.’ He smiled, pressing another kiss against his cheek. ‘Maybe it’s best to try and get some sleep. You can go upstairs, take a shower if you want. I’ll tell my parents we’ll celebrate some other time.’

Thor waited for Loki to make his way up the stairs before going back to the dining room. He opened the door and was immediately greeted with three pair of curious eyes.

‘So?’ Hela started. ‘Did you find him? You were gone for so long I thought the two of you were scheming up a plan to elope.’

‘No, Hela,’ Thor glared at her, though he did not have the energy to fight her. He merely wanted to go to Loki as soon as possible. ‘I was wondering, well… about Christmas…’

‘Thor,’ his mother interrupted him, a gentle and understanding smile on her face. ‘It’s okay. I’m sure we’ll see each other soon enough.’ She stood up, her husband and daughter watching her with big, confused eyes. ‘Come now, love,’ she gestured towards the two to follow her. ‘We are leaving. We have guests coming over tonight anyway.’

‘What?’ Odin stood up, loyally following his wife. ‘Who?’

‘En Dwi and his brother, Taneleer.’

‘What?! No, honey, those are _your_ friends, I don’t like them. They’re weird.’

Thor held the door open, waiting for his guests to leave and hearing Odin complain all the way to the car.

‘If you ever need anything, you need but to call me, understood?’ Frigga offered, standing in the doorway. ‘Take care of Loki, will you?’

Thor stared at her for a second. ‘…Yes, mom,’ he smiled gratefully, wondering what he did to deserve a mother so compassionate and understanding. The woman always knew what to do and say, even without knowing half the story. The blond pressed a kiss against her cheek and waved them goodbye before storming up the stairs.

He found Loki huddled in his bed, the queen-sized furniture making the raven look even more fragile. Thor left the lights out and somehow managed to change into his nightclothes before shuffling into the bed as well.

He wanted nothing more but to wrap the teen in his arms and hold him against his chest yet deemed it wiser to let him be. ‘Loki?’ he whispered softly, not wanting to wake the teen were he to sleep.

The raven slowly turned around, facing the older man with shame vailing his emerald eyes.

‘… Are you comfortable?’ he eventually asked as he had no idea what else to say. ‘Would you like another blanket?’

‘It’s warm and soft,’ the teen muttered. ‘I’m fine, thank you.’

‘That’s good,’ Thor nodded a little and smiled, fighting the urge to shuffle closer. ‘If there’s anything you need…’

Loki remained silent for a long while and for a moment Thor thought that the teen had fallen asleep. The blond closed his eyes, wanting to follow his example till he felt a body moving closer. He automatically opened his arms in a welcoming gesture, feeling Loki press himself against his chest.

Much to Thor’s surprise the teen wasn’t wearing anything but his boxers. It then dawned on him that he had never offered him any nightclothes. With his hands now pressed against bare skin Thor could feel how malnourished the raven truly was.

‘Loki,’ Thor’s voice was filled with tenderness as he stroked the teen’s back. ‘About what just happened-’

‘Can we please… not talk…?’ the raven interrupted him softly. ‘Can’t we just lay here? For now.’

‘Of course,’ he pressed a few gentle and slow kisses against Loki’s skin, starting at his forehead, to his temple and finally his cheek. ‘Try to get some sleep for now, okay? I’ll stay here with you.’

About half an hour of silence followed at which both men tried to sleep, Loki eventually breaking the tranquility, ‘Thor…?’

‘Hm?'

‘… Was it good that I was born?’

Thor held the raven closer against his chest, whispering a silent oath of protection and love. ‘Live, Loki.’ He pressed his lips against Loki’s temple, closed his eyes and whispered; ‘Keep on living and you will discover the answer yourself.’

Loki fell asleep in Thor’s strong and protective arms, knowing he found someone who loved him.

Knowing he found home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want to know the ending; This chapter has the GOOD ENDING ... Or more bitter sweet maybe?? Anyway its the happy ending! 
> 
> And that's it. My final fic for this year. What a way to end 2019.  
> I really hope you enjoyed it. I really hope you like this outcome.
> 
> But most of all, I really hope you will have an awesome, marvelous and inspiring 2020.  
> ~lots of love,  
> MissBoaBoa  
> Netherlands


	5. Chapter 5 - Ignore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *please read*
> 
> YES! I DID IT! I wanted to upload this chapter during Christmas... then I realized I wasn't happy AT ALL with how it turned out, so I decided to re-write it, promising myself that it would be finished and posted before the end of the year... Which I did :D
> 
> Anyway! For those of you who wanted to go with the second option ("pick up" and "ignore") here you have it! I hope you will enjoy it and that it will have the outcome you were shooting for :D
> 
> For those who DON'T wish to play in this fanfic roulette, please scroll to the very bottom of this fic. I will write which ending this chapter has at the end Notes, so you can check that out before reading and still choose the ending you want ^^
> 
> I hope you will enjoy~

Never in his life had Loki felt this content, this carefree. He simply could not stop smiling, listening to the stories being told, to Thor and Hela teasing each other like true siblings, or rather like true five-year-olds. A warm, fuzzy feeling rested in his tummy as he watched Frigga and Odin holding hands, the older man lovingly caressing his wife’s fingers with his thumb.

For the first time Loki felt like all was right with the world, forgetting about his abusive parents, about a man’s greedy hands moving over his body in a dark alley.

For a moment he forgot all that was his life, that was until he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He looked down, his smile instantly fading as his face went pale as the snow outside.

His mother was calling him.

The raven looked up, eyes wide with fear. He did not want to take this call, did not want to listen to her screaming and shouting, blaming him for everything wrong with her life.

Yet he did not dare to ignore her either.

He leaned a little closer towards Thor, mumbling softly, hoping that his family would not hear him. ‘Thor, I- I really need to use the bathroom. My stomach hurts a little, and, well…’

The blond tilted his head for a split second, but then just smiled. ‘Sure thing. Down the hallway, just past the stairs.’

‘Thanks,’ Loki silently moved from the table, disappearing into the hallway. He quickly closed the door behind him and stared at his phone.

It rang, once, twice, vibrating in his hand. His thumb hovered just over the green button, yet he could not get himself to pick up.

He could already guess what his mother was going to say. He knew that he was a mistake, that his parents never wanted him. Farbauti had told him over and over again, sober, drunk or high, how she wished he had never been born. How having a child, having _him_ , was the worst thing that had ever happened to her.

Loki has wondered so many times whether the world would be better off without him. Whether his parents would be happy if he would press a knife into his wrists and never wake up again.

Unfortunately he had never found the courage to do so.

He gasped as the phone went silent, followed by a message of a missed call. He wondered what he could have said to his mother to make her proud, what he could do for her to earn her smile and gentle touch.

He wondered what he had to do to make her look at him the same way Frigga looked at her children.

‘Loki?’

The teen looked up, staring straight into ocean blue eyes. ‘Thor?’

‘I was wondering if you were alright,’ the man smiled. ‘You’ve been gone for quite some time now.’ He looked at the teen, tilting his head as he saw Loki’s cellphone clasped in his hands. ‘Are you alright?’

‘… Yes,’ he eventually replied as his he started to remember his earlier plan. Surely Thor had something of value in his house, something worth stealing. He could bring it home, show it to his father who would tell him how proud he was. They could sell it and his mother could pay off all her debts and live without having to worry about money.

He will steal for them and will make his parents proud. They will be grateful for his existence and tell him that they love him. Maybe next year they could have a nice Christmas as well, one with a proper Christmas tree, presents all wrapped up, waiting to be opened. They could be a family, happy and loving.

All he had to do was find something worth stealing.

‘Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks.’ He nodded, his fingers clenched around his phone. He did not want to steal from Thor, yet he knew it was the only way to make his parents notice him.

Thor felt a little uneasy with the smile the teen was showing him. He had seen it before, meant to be reassuring yet showing nothing but sadness. He sighed and rubbed the back of his head, ‘Look, Loki… I hope you have figured this out already but… I never intended to sleep with you.’ He waited for a moment, taking in the wide emerald eyes staring back at him. He gulped, afraid that whatever he would say next would make the raven only feel more nervous. ‘I mean, it’s not that I won’t pay you. Don’t worry, I will. A-and it’s not that I don’t find you attractive! It’s just-’

‘You find me attractive?’ A sly grin formed on the trickster’s face as Thor’s cheeks turned a deep shade of red. He chuckled softly as Thor averted his gaze.

‘That’s- that’s not what I meant. I just- I-’ the blond couldn’t understand why he found it so hard to look at the other man. Sure, Loki had a slim and elegant figure, skin white like the sweetest milk and gorgeous black hair tousled, curling slightly at the tips. His eyes like precious emeralds, mesmerizing and unforgiving.

Thor quickly shook his head, forcing himself to snap back to reality. ‘Look, all I am trying to say is… You do not have to be afraid of me.’

Loki’s grin fell from his face, replaced by sincere confusion. ‘… I beg your pardon?’

‘I want you to feel safe here,’ Thor placed his hand on the teen’s shoulder, blue eyes sparkling like a loyal dog. ‘I… I really care for you, Loki. You will never have to do anything you don’t want to, okay? I just… Want you to be happy.’

The raven stared, overwhelmed by the blond’s heartfelt words. He tried to think of something to say, a clever joke or sassy retort, yet all he could do was whisper a soft; ‘Thank you…’

They stood for a moment longer, Loki’s cheeks turning a soft blush as he remembered the mistletoe hanging just above their heads. He wondered what Thor’s lips would feel like against his own, how he would kiss him if Loki would lean forward with closed eyes. Would they be just like his mother’s, rough and sloppy? Or would they be soft and gentle, showing nothing but love.

His thirst for answers nearly got the better of him as he took a step closer to Thor, eyes half-lidded. The blond did not lean forward, yet he did not back away either. The raven moved closer and closer, feeling the blond’s breath against his skin, the scent of his cologne subtle yet so familiar. He closed his eyes, his lips slightly parted as he-

He came to an abrupt halt as his phone vibrated in his hand.

Both Thor and Loki took a quick step back as their moment shattered, trying to set their eyes on whatever they could find as long as it wasn’t each other.

Loki looked at his phone, noticing the message sent by his mother; “ _Come home. Bring booze and something to eat._ ”

‘I- I‘ve got to make a call,’ the raven stammered with an awkward smile, the message unforgivingly reminding him of his mission.

‘Uhm, yeah, no, sure, no problem,’ Thor took a deep breath, his heart racing in his chest. ‘I uhm, I’ll just go back. See if there’s still something left to eat.’ He buried his hands in his pockets, trying to be as casual as possible. ‘So… yeah, see you.’

‘Yeah,’ Loki waited for the door to fall shut. ‘See you…’ He ran a hand through his hair, burying his phone in his pocket as he tried to ignore his beating heart. He had to find something worth stealing soon, before Thor would find out and before his heart would change his mind.

With renewed energy Loki quietly made his way up the stairs. He tiptoed into the blond’s bedroom and started to search through his drawers. He cursed under his breath as he could not find a single item that seemed to hold any real value. He hurriedly rummaged through the blond’s nightstand, knowing that he was running out of time.

He pulled out a number of small personal items, ranging from books to lube. He gritted his teeth, trying to ignore the sinful questions and images that instantly filled his mind. In the end, he sat down on the bed with huff, almost giving up his search.

That was until he saw a small black case hidden at the back of the drawer. He reached for it and opened it to discover a most beautiful watch. The outer case and hands were made of gold, while the inside was a deep and dark blue. Loki’s eyes sparkled as the accessory laid heavy in the palm of his hand. He flipped it over, a small hammer engraved in the back of the watch, the name of the manufacturer written underneath; “Nidavellir.”

Loki stared in awe for a few more seconds, only to carefully put it back into its case and burry it in his pocket. He knew the watch could easily make about eight-hundred dollars, a thousand if he would play his cards right. He sneaked his way back into the hallway, his hand grabbing the doorknob ready to dash out and return home. He wondered how proud his father would be when he would show him what he had found. He wondered how his mother would smile at him and what her voice would sound like when she tells him she loves him.

He opened the door, all hope nearly fading as he stared at the blizzard raging through the streets. Loki instantly started to shiver, the freezing cold wrapping around his body and yanking at his clothes. He fought the urge to close the door, forcing himself to endure as he started to fumble with the sleeves of the Christmas sweater Thor and his family had given him.

Doubt and guilt weighed heavy on his chest as he heard the blond’s laughter coming from the dining room. He shook his head and took his first few steps outside, the wind nearly sweeping him of his bare feet.

It was cold, freezing, wind howling from every corner, the falling snow obscuring his sight. Loki slowly made his way through the deserted streets, teeth rattling as he tried to find his way back home.

* * *

‘Thor,’ Frigga looked around the table, her charming smile falling. ‘Where is Loki?’

The blond looked up, his mouth stuffed with food. He stared at the empty seat next to his mother. ‘He needed to make a call,’ he answered her, mouth still full, effectively making his older sister roll her eyes in disgust. He swallowed and continued, ‘Though he should have been back by now.’

‘Maybe he got sick of your table manners and went home.’ Hela took a sip of her wine, a sly grin forming on her face. ‘Or he just got sick of you.’

‘ _Or_ maybe he just lost track of time,’ Odin quickly intervened, shooting his daughter a silencing glare. ‘I’m sure he’ll be back soon enough.’

‘…I guess,’ Thor agreed, poking at the food on his plate with his fork.

The family continued enjoying their dinner, though Thor could not shake the feeling of unease. He stood up after impatiently waiting for five more minutes, nearly knocking over the table. ‘I’ll just go check on him. See if he’s alright.’ He strode out of the dining room as his mother nodded.

‘Loki?’ Thor poked his head around the corner and stared into a deserted hallway. He frowned, worry writhing like snakes through his body.

‘Loki?!’ He called the trickster’s name as he jumped up the stairs, his attention immediately drawn to his slightly ajar bedroom door. He stormed inside, finding all drawers opened, its content trashed throughout his room. He stared in complete disbelieve, his eyes soon caught on the empty drawer of his nightstand. ‘Fuck… Fuck!’

He stormed back down into the hallway, coming to an abrupt stop as he stepped into a cold puddle. He looked down, noticing the slowly melting snow at the front door. His heart started to beat loudly in his chest as he realized the trickster had gone outside. The weather was awful and better to be avoided even with proper clothing.

Yet Loki was not even wearing shoes.

Thor hurriedly grabbed his winter boots and coat, putting them on as he bashed into the dining room. ‘I’m going out,’ he nearly shouted as he grabbed his scarf and gloves.

‘What?’ Frigga stood up, barely in time to support her son as he almost fell over putting on his boots. ‘Thor, you can’t go out in this weather. It’s much too dangerous.’

‘You mother is right, son.’ Odin added as he tried to understand Thor’s sudden change of mood. ‘You can’t even see the opposite side of the street, you’ll freeze out there.’

‘I won’t, but Loki will if I don’t go now,’ Thor growled as he walked passed his mother, not paying any more attention to his family. ‘Stay here in case he gets back. Call me when he does.’

And with that Thor ran out of his house, leaving his parents and sister behind. He looked at the snow, desperate to find any tracks but alas, the howling storm had long erased them. He cursed under his breath, deciding to run back to the town’s center where he had met the teen.

He could only hope and pray that he would find Loki in time.

* * *

The streets were covered in a thick blanket of white snow. Loki struggled walking long ago, his pace reduced to a mere shuffle. He could barely lift his feet, his skin numb and pale. He clamped his hands deeper into the bright red Christmas sweater he was given by Thor and his family, violent shivers leaving his teeth rattling.

The city seemed deserted, shop lights off and doors closed. There was no one walking down the boulevard, no one else who was as mental to go outside during such a storm.

Loki felt his eyes growing heavy, his body swaying as he tried to take another step. He looked up, his eyes falling on his reflection in one of the store windows. What little pigment he had in his already pale skin was gone, his lips turning a delicate shade of blue. His eyes were starting to get red, pupils delated as he struggled to keep his eyes from falling shut.

The teen lifted his hand, numb fingertips touching the glass as he tilted his head. He tried to figure out who he was looking at, his mind as static as the snow raging through the air. He stood still, staring for at least a full minute before he could think clear again.

Loki shook his head, the shivering of his body stopping as the freezing cold had crawled far beneath his skin. He reminded himself to walk, to just keep moving forward.

But to where?

He looked up, black and white spots dancing before his eyes. Though the streets felt familiar he found that he had no memory of this place. He wondered where he was and where he should be going, his sense of direction slipping at the same rate as his consciousness.

Loki eventually stared into an alley, deep and dark, yet covered from the wind. It was the place where a man called Pierce had tried to rape him. It was the place where a stranger with golden hair had saved him. Though Loki could remember none of that as his body slowly slipped into hypothermia. 

He kept staring. He knew this backstreet, fuzzy memories stirring in the back of his mind. Something happened here, though he could not tell whether it was good or bad.

He had met someone here. Someone who was trying to hurt him, and then… then he remembered the sun.

The teen stumbled into the allay, a weary smile on his face. He leaned against a wall, his body to tired to carry him any further. He pressed his back against the cold bricks, letting himself sink till he sat on the ground. He looked at his feet and giggled as he noticed they had the very same blue color as his hands.

He let his fingers rake gently through the snow, the freezing temperatures ineffective on his cold body. The white powder did not sting anymore, and Loki figured it must be because he could only think of the sun.

It was then that he felt something in his pocket, his curiosity getting the better of him as he pulled it out.

It was a watch, a beautiful deep-blue watch with golden hands.

Loki stared as the hands ticked forward, mesmerized by the simple movement. The gold was stunning and reminded him once more of the sun.

The sun and a warm smile.

The sun and gentle blue eyes.

Thor.

Loki smiled as he remembered the sun, _his_ sun. He remembered Thor.

It was Thor who kept his heart warm and protected him from the cold. It was Thor who was on his mind as his pulse weakened and his eyes closed.

It was Thor who made Loki smile as he breathed a tired sigh and let his body rest against the cold wall.

* * *

‘Loki?!’ Thor shouted as he ran through the streets, his vision slowly becoming better as the storm was starting to settle. ‘Loki?!’

He came to a stop at a crossing, his ragged breath coming from lips in white puffs. He looked around, still finding no sign of the teen. Frustration, anger and despair slowly took hold of his mind and body, forcing him to keep running and ignore the burning pain in his lungs.

He moved as fast as his legs could carry him, the alley where he had met with the raven coming in sight.

Tears threaten to form in his eyes as he could only beg every God he knew for Loki to be safe. He could not bare the thought of the teen walking the streets towards his home. A place where there was hardly any food nor heat, a place where his abusive parents were waiting for him.

Though that possibility was far better than the one he dreaded the most. Temperatures had already dropped to −10 °F, making Thor wonder how Loki would manage to slog through the snow without shoes or coat. He shook his head, trying to ignore the images of a freezing teen that formed in his head.

‘Loki!’ He shouted, nearly falling as he turned around the corner and dashed into the alley.

At first Thor thought of moving on as he heard no response. Yet it was the small flash of a red sweater, buried underneath a layer of white powder, that got him to stop.

‘No… no, no, no, no!’ Thor immediately threw himself at Loki’s feet, grabbing the teen’s shoulders and trying to shake him awake. ‘Loki! Loki come on! You can’t do this to me! You can’t-!’ Tears formed in the blond’s eyes as he felt the cold of the raven’s frozen body sip through his gloves. He brushed most of the snow from his arms and face and, despite knowing better, wrapped his scarf around the teen’s neck.

‘Loki please… Please…’ Tears rushed down his cheeks as Loki’s eyes remained shut, his hands frozen against his chest. Thor sobbed, the cold stinging his lungs as he gasped for air. He took of his gloves and wrapped his hands around those of the teen, staring through teary eyes at the tranquil smile on his face. He leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss on the teen’s lips, ‘I’m sorry, Loki.’ He whispered, sobs disrupting his sentence. ‘I am so, so sorry.’

He felt something wrapped in the raven’s hands. Something small and solid. He managed to pry it from Loki’s frozen fingers, his eyes widening as he stared at his watch.

A watch that reminded Loki of the sun.

A watch that brought a grateful and warm smile on Loki’s face.

A watch which hands had stopped ticking as the teen’s heart had beat for the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want to know the ending; This chapter has the BAD ENDING ... I guess we all know how the original story ends, so I don't really think I will have to put up any extra tags to warn you, right?? Hope you will enjoy!
> 
> And that's it. My final fic for this year. What a way to end 2019.  
> I really hope you enjoyed it. I really hope you like this outcome.
> 
> But most of all, I really hope you will have an awesome, marvelous and inspiring 2020.  
> ~lots of love,  
> MissBoaBoa  
> Netherlands


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